school is hard || words with rhapsody
heyo guys long time no see
Some thoughts I’ve been having recently: Were you ever the smart one? Ever the one that everyone knew would always get the top score so there’s no point in competing with them? Ever the one who could read a hundred books in a few months, ace your classes and still have free time? Well I’m on the other side of that now. As in, the days of straight A’s aren’t necessarily gone, but oh boy is year twelve hard. Motivation on the final days of school are hard guys, hard. I go to a fancy shmancy art school and the expectations are high, competition is higher and the fight for survival is on. But how did I end up here? What has changed since being a straight A perfect year 8, to a stressed, scared and tired year 12? I’ve compiled a list of what is pulling me back, and how I’m trying to (desperately) combat them.
1- Motivation. My motivation is wearing thin, why should I try so hard if my atar might fall short anyway? What’s really in it for me? Answer: I get to complete high school, which is an amazing achievement in itself. I may not be set on what I’m going to be doing next year, but focusing on the victories I’m combatting NOW will sure as hell help me combat the big demon of lack of motivation.
2- Don’t Have Time. I simply don’t have time to do the things I love anymore. I’m writing this after animating for 6 hours straight for my studio folio. I’m dead tired and in need of a hug. I don’t want to sit down and read a book or do anything fun that requires brain power. I want to sleep for ten years and not wake up. So what do? Answer: Time! Management! I’m terrible at this. I will either sit down and do something all in one go or not do it at all, then feeling guilty about not doing it. I need to manage my time and give myself some breaks! I’m wearing thin, take care of yourself Rhapsody!!!
3- Stress. School is stressful, the pressure to do well is unbelievable. Getting good marks is so important to me, I’ve had good marks my whole life it’s too entangled with my identity (which is probably a bad thing I should stop doing) so how do I fix this? Decreasing the pressure to do well is something that happens gradually and something you have to do on your own for you and you alone. I’m still finding ways to pull myself out of the over thinking and distancing myself from what I used to think “doing well” is. Doing well is doing your best, at any time. Doing well one day might be crawling out of bed and showing up. Doing well another day might be completing all homework, participating in class and acing a test. Whatever your best is, aim for that and try not to exert yourself.
School is hard, take care of yourself. As you will be you for your entire life, but school is only a small portion of that so don’t let it kill you.